Hustling for Your Worthiness: Finding Balance and Authenticity Without Overworking

A few years ago, I was at a client development event featuring a GC panel of highly successful women. One of the women was sharing the secrets of her success and told us about how she routinely slept with her phone under her pillow so she would not miss email notifications.  She was proud of her dedication to her work and how her clients could count on her 24/7. I watched the faces of young associates in the room and they looked horrified. I don’t think this GC’s story was so unusual–it reflects the unreasonable expectations that lawyers and law firms put on young associates. And that lawyers struggle to live under throughout their career.

In today's fast-paced and highly competitive work environment, the concept of "hustling" has long been a badge of honor for many professionals. For many women, the pressure to prove one's worthiness through relentless hard work and constant achievement can be both motivating and debilitating. As an executive coach for women lawyers, I've seen firsthand how the pursuit of worthiness through hustling can lead to burnout, dissatisfaction, and a disconnect from one's true self. In this blog post, we'll explore the concept of hustling for worthiness, its impact on productivity and happiness, and how to find a balance that allows for both professional success and personal fulfillment.

The Culture of Hustle

Hustle culture glorifies the idea that success is achieved through sheer hard work, long hours, and a relentless drive to excel. It's the notion that you must always be "on," pushing yourself to the limit, and constantly proving your value. In the legal profession, this translates to billing more hours, taking on more cases, and striving to outperform peers. For many women, we only have one gear, which is full speed ahead. While hard work is undeniably important, the culture of hustle often leads to the belief that one's worth is directly tied to their productivity and accomplishments.

This mindset can be particularly challenging for lawyers who are already navigating a high-stakes environment with significant responsibilities. The pressure to hustle can come from various sources: the demands of clients, the expectations of law firms, and the competitive nature of the profession. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that you must constantly do more and be more to be seen as worthy and successful. Associates in Big Law frequently learn to mirror their bosses' work schedule so that their bosses think they are always working. Skipping meals or eating at your desk becomes the norm. This just perpetuates the “no-win” feeling that everyone else is working harder than you and that you just must do more all the time.

Where Did Hustle Culture Come From and Why Do We Continue to Buy-In? 

The advent of new technology like emails, Blackberries, and the internet created the environment and resources to accelerate work and availability at a never seen before pace since the early 2000s. In 2016, former Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer famously “confessed” to Bloomberg that she worked 130 hours a week (18.5 hours a day) including Sundays. Hearing these types of stories only feeds into the narrative that we must work more and harder.

I remember the excitement of my first Blackberry device. In the early 2000s, it was a novelty to be able to read your email on your mobile device. I felt like I was cheating when I discovered that I could go to something at my son’s school during the workday and still be in touch with my office. Now, our mobile devices are prolific, and the expectation is that you are available 24/7, even when you are out of the office on weekends or vacation. We see friends and family traveling with their laptops and keeping their phones out at dinner. It becomes the “norm” to always be accessible until you decide that is not how you want to live.

Another contributing factor to hustle culture is social media. We are on social media 24/7, where we constantly compare ourselves to colleagues and competitors who post about their successes on LinkedIn or Facebook. Social media fuels insecurity and can make you hyper-focused on what you don’t have, what you have not accomplished, and all the perceived gaps in your career success. It has been said that “comparison is the thief of joy” and that is never more true than when you are talking about social media. Supposedly, President Theodore Roosevelt is attributed with that great quote.

How to Recognize Whether You Are Still Playing the Hustle Culture Game

The first step in breaking free of hustle culture is to recognize the signs that you may be part of it. Anytime we are comparing ourselves to others to create our own personal baseline, we are at risk.

Take a look at these questions and answer them honestly:

●      Do you answer work emails and phone calls at all hours of the day?

●      Do you feel like you are punished or criticized for taking time off work?

●      Do you feel obliged to choose work over family?

●      Have you lost passions and interests outside of work?

●      Are you constantly pushing yourself to do more and be better?

●      Have you become addicted to work?

●      Do you choose work over sleep?

●      Have you pushed friends and family away because of work?

●      Do you catch yourself thinking that there is never enough time in the day?

If you answered yes to some of these questions, you are participating in hustle culture. Ask yourself why you are sacrificing your own well-being for your career. Did these habits start because you were comparing yourself to someone else (a co-worker or boss)? Do you truly believe that working that way is a requirement to be successful?

There are a few strategies to break free from hustle culture. You must define what success means to you. Ask yourself important questions to pinpoint your priorities, vision, and goals. What does a perfect day look like? Where do I want to be in one year, five years, ten years? If I could do anything, what would I do? What do I get most excited about? What am I really working toward? Take a hard look at how you are currently spending your time and why.  Allow yourself to think about how else you might use extra time for your own personal goals and aspirations.  What would you do with reclaimed time? Go to the gym? Read a book? Spend more time with your spouse or kids? Sometimes visualizing a different outcome can help motivate you to make changes. Talk honestly with your co-workers, significant other and friends about what your goals are and ask them to help you make a change and hold you accountable.

The Impact on Mental Health and Well-being

While hustling can lead to short-term gains and a sense of achievement, the long-term impact on mental health and well-being can be detrimental. Women who are constantly in hustle mode often experience:

1. Burnout: Burnout is a response to emotional and mental stress. But sometimes, even in the midst of experiencing burnout, you don’t even know what is happening to you. Be aware of the three classic symptoms: emotional exhaustion, a sense of failure or incompetence, and cognitive distancing from the job. Checking all three boxes is a sign that it’s time to evaluate your stress level and be proactive in seeking positive change.

2. Stress and Anxiety: The pressure to constantly prove one's worth can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. This can manifest in various ways, including difficulty sleeping, irritability, and a constant sense of being overwhelmed. Are you more irritable than normal? Do you find yourself snapping uncontrollably at your family, friends, or colleagues? Sometimes, other people in our lives recognize this sign in us faster than we can recognize it ourselves.

3. Loss of Identity: When worthiness is tied solely to professional achievements, professional women may lose touch with their true selves. Their identity becomes wrapped up in their work, leading to a sense of emptiness and a lack of fulfillment outside of their career. If you find yourself with no hobbies and no one to spend your free time with, you may already be experiencing this loss of identity. Sometimes, it takes the loss of a job to recognize that you have overinvested in your professional life at the expense of your personal life.

4. Strained Relationships: The demands of hustling can take a toll on personal relationships. Long hours and constant stress can lead to neglecting family and friends, resulting in strained or broken relationships. Although many factors play into why an individual gets a divorce, for lawyers, the job itself can become one of those factors. Lawyers typically endure significant stress, which can take a toll on their personal relationships. Many lawyers prioritize their careers in a way that could make their spouse feel disconnected. It is true for virtually any profession that spending a great deal of time working can strain life at home.

5. Physical Illness: Constantly putting your emotional and physical well-being on the back burner can have real consequences. If you are getting frequent colds or headaches, it is sometimes a sign that you are putting in too many hours at work. Recent research shows that stroke is a major risk for those putting in too many hours! This is a dire consequence and highlights the dangers of continually pushing yourself physically. One study by the World Health Organization revealed that those who worked beyond 55 hours a week were at a 33 percent greater risk of having a stroke and 13 percent more likely to have a heart attack compared to those working 35-40 hours a week.

 Redefining Worthiness

To break free from the cycle of hustling for worthiness, it's essential to redefine what it means to be worthy. Worthiness is not about how much you achieve or how hard you work; it's about recognizing your inherent value as a person. I have worked in law firms where the billable hours were regularly published and competition was encouraged. The billable hour is important but is not a measure of your worthiness. There might be some weeks where you spend more time on business development, or weeks where you don’t have a big project, or weeks where you actually take a vacation or have a family issue that takes precedence. Constantly comparing your billable hours to someone else is a recipe for not feeling worthy.

Here are some steps to help lawyers redefine worthiness and find a healthier balance:

1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, passions, and what truly matters to you. Understand that your worth is not solely determined by your professional accomplishments. Slowing down can feel incredibly uncomfortable if you have been in a constant hustle mode. Journaling, meditation, and seeking the guidance of a coach or therapist can be helpful in this process.

2. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. This includes setting limits on working hours, taking regular breaks, and ensuring you have time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. A recent study has shown that setting clear work-non-work boundaries can be a buffer against burnout. The study found that burnout is a natural and expected response to continued emotional and mental stress. If you have a job that requires constant availability, re-evaluate whether that is sustainable for you. It is ok to have a conversation with your co-workers about how that 24/7 on mode is impacting you.  One of the first things you should do is create a boundary with your smartphone. Stop sleeping with it on your nightstand and checking it before bed and first thing on waking.

3. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. This includes physical activities, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, and taking care of your mental and emotional well-being. I worked for a law firm that had a massage therapist come in monthly to give massages. I loved this perk and recognition that self-care is critical. I talk a lot about finding time to exercise and eat well.  A body that is in peak condition will function better and be more resilient. But self-care is not just about massages. Self-care also refers to the basics of taking care of yourself. I call this the self-care trifecta: sleep, exercise and nutrition. Book time on your calendar for exercise just like you would a client appointment. I like to look ahead in the week and put my favorite yoga class on the calendar.

4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of colleagues, friends, and family who understand and respect your boundaries. Consider joining professional groups or networks where you can share experiences and seek advice. One of the best supportive networks I have found is an Austin-based Facebook group for women lawyers who are also mothers. Similar organizations exist in your community. Take some time to find a group that will support you with advice and cheer you on with successes.

5. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem. This helps build a sense of accomplishment and reinforces the idea that you are worthy regardless of the magnitude of your successes.

Conclusion

Hustling for worthiness is a common trap that many professional women fall into. We are so driven by the demands of our professions and the pressure to constantly prove our value. While hard work and dedication are important, it's essential to recognize that worthiness is not solely defined by professional achievements.

 The rejection of hustle culture is characterized by finding purpose and fulfillment in what you do. People are beginning to realize that to get ahead in life, you also need space and time to rest, conceptualize, and ideate. There is no way to do any of those things if you are always busy and constantly working. I hope you give some thought to whether or not you are trapped in the hustle culture and what changes can you make in your own life.